The last few weeks I’ve allowed my mind and emotions to twist and turn through 2019 – truthfully, this year did not go how I expected. I was sidelined in ways I had not anticipated and uplifted in ways I could not have foreseen…which lands me at the end of the year scratching my head a bit, wondering about mountains.
Yup. Mountains (and pearls too).
For Christmas, my husband gave me a card for people born on the 1st of a month (May for me). He was struck by how the card described my characteristics so well. According to the card, those born on the 1st of a month are innovative, self-reliant, yada yada (good stuff) – but, as we tend to live on the edge, we feel different than others and that can create a sense of inadequacy. Sigh…oh-so-accurate.
As 2019 comes to a close my inner dialogue is going something like this: ”well, that worked, that didn’t, I like that, I didn’t like that – that was fun, not doing that again and what needs polishing?”
In 2015 I wrote a manifesto that included, “my intention is to find pearls of wisdom within and polish those pearls and bring them to the world.” The past four years, I’ve polished (at times with the help of a therapist), created, wrote, beta-tested, mentored and now I have this great body of work that helps women get out of their own way (because we are really good at getting in our own way, aren’t we?!)…
But – I’m scratching my head…
Arrived. The Holidays!
At this time of year, I find myself thinking about the year ahead and the year almost behind. There’s a plethora of ideas out there for ending the year and for starting the new year…so I’m offering up simplicity with this mantra, courtesy of Tosha Silver, author of Outrageous Openness.
“Let everything that needs to go, go.
Let everything that needs to come, come.”
Breathe that in, repeat often.
I wish you the happiest holiday season and blissful closure to 2019.
PS. Check out my upcoming course: CALLING IN CLARITY. Click here to learn more.
One of my favorite phrases, shared with me by a wise friend is “the teacher, teaches what she needs to learn”. For the past two years, I’ve been on a deep dive exploration, curating content for my newest body of work. You’ve probably heard the analogy of peeling the layers of the onion. I have learned and peeled and will continue until the day I take my last breath. Why? It’s a necessary process because only by peeling the layers, can one reveal what’s true and bring forth clarity.
As the layers fell away, I noticed, even though I’ve come light years with lightening up “my push,” this behavior can slither its way in. Enter EMDR Therapy, (EMDR uses exposure to a traumatic memory or disturbing event paired with “bilateral stimulation” of the brain) to unhook deep seated trauma from my childhood.
The feeling I was exploring was my “nose to the grindstone push,” prompted by my desire to increase my sense of ease and energetic flow.
Are you aware of the feeling, when you are channeling all your energy and focus into completing and accomplishing a project or task?
This morning as I let the idea of “What Shapes Us” waft around my emotional landscape, my mind kept going to an episode in the original Star Trek series, called “This Side of Paradise” – the crew lands on a planet where inhabitants exist in a mental state of utopia. I wondered, “would we be happier and healthier if our daily baseline feeling was utopia?” I don’t think so.
The colonists in the Star Trek episode are “happy” due to flower spores that fill the air they breathe. Essentially, they are drugged. Their state of utopia isn’t real, it’s induced. The spores they breathe “cover up” their true emotions – everyone becomes the same.
When the colonists are provoked their anger breaks the spore spell. Similar to what happens when humans are pushed to the edge emotionally – we crack the illusion of safety and the light of who we really are begins to seep in. This is something I learned the hard way often feeling “if this was that way, or that was this way, I’d be better.” Nothing changed, until I changed.
One of the most powerful self-inquiry questions a woman (or man) can ask is “what has shaped me?”
November 10th is an important day for me, it’s the day I gave birth to my son. This year on his 29th birthday, my husband and I were far away on a tropical island and even though for my son, our absence on his birthday was no big deal, it was important to me to somehow honor this first day that began the ‘shape of him’.
My husband left to spend the day scuba diving and I spent hours on the beach, walking and then sitting quietly, allowing my mind to meander through 29 years of motherhood – the curves, hills, deep troughs, cliffs and mountain tops that formed not only the shape of my son, but the shape of me.