This blog is a “leap of faith” announcement and important information for you or someone you care about. I’d love to hear what thoughts the information below sparked for you! suzy@suzycarroll.com
________________________________________
After interviewing busy women many years ago, I noticed a pattern emerge, which I named: the Five Stages of Transition.
In short, women move from mud pie-making kids to the energetic youthfulness of their 20s into their career and, for some, motherhood-oriented 30s – slide right into their 40s (having paused zero times to adjust their energy output to changing needs) with hormones raging and wonder why they’re so tired… and keep going (with caffeine in hand) until somewhere in their late 40s to 50s…
Crash. Burn. All pooped and pepped out.
Why?
1: Women don’t allow time for regularly scheduled maintenance. For letting go, pausing, adjusting, re-orienting, and acknowledging that what worked in your 20s and 30s – isn’t serving your needs in middle life. I learned this lesson the hard way – and I know I’m not alone here.
2: Programing (aka social conditioning). Women have been programmed to live in turbo mode – to push, please, and prove while striving for perfection. Exhausting.
3: We hail from a lineage of servitude. History tells us that a woman’s purpose was to cook, clean, and care for others. Goodness – it wasn’t until 1974 (I was 11) that a single woman could get a loan. Hmph!
4: Despite the information available from TED talks to personal growth books, many women struggle with inner discomfort in taking care of Self. This is the residue of a millennium of social conditioning.
5: Psychologically, our minds seek comfort and safety and want to belong. How can you pause (without feeling guilty) when surrounded by a turbo-charged community?
6: Your mechanism of protection… EGO. As a child, ego helped you survive and adapt to your family culture. As an adult, EGO is a hidden mechanism of false protection. From a Jungian (Carl Jung, founder of analytical psychology) perspective, your ego pushes the parts of your true Self that don’t fit into your family or societal (turbo-charged) culture into the shadow.
7: Carl Jung said that 90% of our shadow is golden! Your beautiful aspects were pushed into hiding to feel a semblance of acceptance and belonging in your family/society. Play, pleasure, freedom, confidence, assertiveness, (sacred) selfishness – the things that didn’t fit into your environment were buried (with ego’s help).
8: Think about this – do you see arrogance in confident women? How about thinking someone is lazy for kicking their feet up and allowing messes to accumulate? Are assertive women bitches or mean? How about women who “play” a lot – are they self-serving?
9: We project onto others (a fabulous tool for identifying what lurks in our shadow). What we see in others, we have in ourselves (both good and opportunity to shift). If you see arrogance in another, it’s likely that arrogance is one of your disowned shadow aspects.
Think about this: If you integrated arrogance (instead of resisting it), would you say “no” more? Would you stand your ground more often? Would you be more direct? Integration doesn’t mean you become arrogant; it means that light and dark are no longer in conflict (releasing inner conflict).
10. Ego will provide a sense of discomfort when choosing to slow down, embark on a sabbatical, shift things up, or “pause for maintenance.” When you buck the system – there is pushback from ego (and people too).
- Lean in. Stay the course. Remind yourself often that “discomfort” is an outdated mechanism of protection.
- Have a chat with your ego – seriously. I’ve done this. It’s whacky and might make you laugh (and feel uncomfortable), but it works!
May 1st marks my decade transition to 60. Wild (to me) but true, and this flipping from age 59 to age 60 prompted a question that has been on my mind since mid-January 2023:
What is my primary purpose for existence? [What is yours?]
I do know that what I thought my purpose was (growing my business, increasing my impact) isn’t my current purpose – emphasis on ‘current.’
In January, I read a little book called “The Café on the Edge of the World.” It posed three questions in a very creative way (I highly recommend reading the book):
- Why are you here?
- Do you fear death?
- Are you fulfilled?
I took these questions to heart, dropping into a period of contemplation – living in the question, so to speak. This led to another question: Do I have my priorities straight? My answer: “NO.”
Here’s what I’m doing – I hope this will inspire you to create your own version for yourself.
At first, I considered retiring, but I enjoy many aspects of what I do, and then a friend shared the word “pretire” – better… but what I really like is “rewire.” I’m pausing to ‘rewire!’ May 1st through the summer (reassessing in the fall).
I’ll continue writing when the mood strikes, and I can change my mind whenever I want. You can too!
Nothing is ever engrained in stone (social conditioning tells a different story – one of pushing forward, no matter what). However, life, when not ‘pushing,’ is fluid and ever-changing. You can choose to row hard upstream… or go with the flow.
TIP: Pausing for maintenance doesn’t mean closing, quitting, or leaving, but it does mean removing things from your full plate – saying “no,” releasing commitments, and those things you do out of obligation.
I’ll admit that “pausing” at this juncture feels a bit crazy. After years of researching, learning, creating, and growing my coaching and mentoring skills, everything is in place. From confidence (with a dab of healthy arrogance 😉), knowledge, website, offerings, signature course, certifications… and I choose to stop now. How crazy is that?
Do you know what’s even crazier?
To keep going without pausing to investigate who you are at this phase of your life? To not allow space and time to dream and explore other ways to experience your life… and most of all, to not care for YOU.
And then there’s this:
Just because you’re good at something doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a good fit for you. Ponder this! 😉
Pausing for inner maintenance and self-inquisition is the best medicine for rekindling your pep and motivation and discovering what inspires you at this phase of your life.
With gratitude to you!
~Suzy
PS To current and past clients – I’m here for “tune-up” sessions. To those (new and past) considering coaching packages, I’m not offering packages during my “rewire” phase, but I’m happy to offer (time permitting) single sessions at a special “rewire” price. To receive special pricing and to schedule: suzy@suzycarroll.com
PSS You might find the tips in this blog helpful for designing your maintenance plan: 10 Ideas for Embracing the Power of Transition.
Lastly, I’m open to all possibilities and opportunities to share what I know about helping women reclaim their power, passion, pleasure, energy, and time while fostering simplicity, confidence, clarity, joy, and light-hearted ease! suzy@suzycarroll.com
