Before I begin, I’m acknowledging that I am outside of my “wheelhouse” with this week’s blog about anti-racism and how the social conditioning of white women impacts racial equality.
I’m inspired to write after participating in a race-based woman’s “Affinity Group.”
I am learning…
My language may be offensive.
My phrases may be racist.
My intent, as good as it is, may cause harm.
I even learned my title for this e-newsletter, “Am I Being Offensive – I Want to Know,” is asking people of non-dominant identities to do the work for me. I opted to leave the title as is to make a point to white readers – I/we have got a lot to learn about anti-racism.
To be a white ally, we must start somewhere. For me, that somewhere is staying in the conversation, even when that conversation is uncomfortable.
A decade (or less) ago, I would have avoided these conversations. My shame was too deep. My trauma was too fragmented—my ability to “sit with” what’s uncomfortable – well, that didn’t exist. I was busy, being busy to avoid myself.
My gratitude for the “school of hard knocks” that opened my eyes and heart is what fuels my passion for “empowering women to be empowered women.“ [See my definition of ’empowered’ below.]
My body of work centers around peeling back the layers of social conditioning, allowing our true selves to emerge. As we reveal and release outside influences, our sense of self-worth grows, our ability to prioritize our well-being increases, and our conviction to what’s most important takes the lead.
2018-2019 was spent guided by Dr. Susanna Maida, Ph.D. owner of Reweaving the World, mapping how I shifted from being driven by outside influences (oblivious) to leading myself (aware).
From this deep inner exploration, “The Seven Principles of Soul-Aligned Living” took form. *Formerly called the Six Principles of Soul-Aligned Success. I missed an important one – courage!
1.CLARITY 2.CONVICTION 3.CONFIDENCE 4.COURAGE 5.COMPASSION 6.CONNECTION 7.CONTRIBUTION.
(Click here to view the 7-Principles Pyramid)
Why is this important?
I want to share how fostering clarity and moving toward contribution allowed me to stay in a very uncomfortable conversation.
A while back, I participated in a zoom group led by my friend and author of Blended, Perspectives on Belonging, Velda Thomas. She asked us to read her poem titled “A Brief Friendship” and answer the question, “how is a cultural bridge created between people?”
I believe in collaboration and working together, so I answered the question from this viewpoint – “we build the bridge together and meet in the middle.” A Black woman a few years older than me got very angry with my comment. She exclaimed with passion how tired she was and that she had spent her entire life fighting injustice and experiencing injustice.
She continued with – it isn’t people of color’s job to build that bridge – it’s white people’s job. (I recently learned that the emerging preferred term is “people of the global majority.)
This woman’s conviction was palpable – my eyes welled up with tears, and I felt uncomfortable. There was a part of me that wanted to say, “I’m out,” and shut down the zoom screen, but I also felt something else – emerging empathy and understanding.
I heard her, I really heard her. Had I run, I would have missed the opportunity to explore my uncomfortableness, to witness her justified rage, and most importantly, to learn an important lesson.
That lesson was four-fold:
#1: I witnessed the answer to the question through her eyes and her experience.
#2: I saw my resistance – and began to understand the root of my resistance. |
#3: I understood why anti-racism education and unlearning our white ways are too much for many white people. It’s emotionally overwhelming, and resistance kicks in.|
#4: Women are socially conditioned to be “good girls.”
When my eyes welled up with tears, it was because I was shaken to my very core. If I had not revealed my social conditioning, the conversation would have derailed me with the belief – “I’m a good girl, she has no right to be angry at me,” or “I’m a good girl, I’m not racist – I’m not the problem.”
I AM
My ignorance is a problem. My conditioning as a white woman is a problem. My disconnect from the racism in the very white town I live in is a problem.
A WORD ABOUT RESISTANCE.
- Resistance is a psychological set of defenses designed to keep you in your comfort zone.
- Your ego creates confusion (to keep you in your comfort zone).
- Denial is a defense mechanism the ego has when things become overwhelming.
Credit: Debra Bernt Maldonado and Dr. Robert Maldonado, Ph.D.
A WORD ABOUT OVERWHELM.
One of our Affinity Group facilitators shared a plethora of links to articles, podcasts, and anti-racism programs. I was grateful to receive this valuable information, but quickly I felt myself slipping into overwhelm. It’s too much. I’m too far behind. I’m too low on the learning curve. I have my own responsibilities to navigate.
Breathe. Ask – How can I see this differently?
My ‘different’ is I’ve begun an “Anti-Racism Learning” doc. I’m reading, watching, or listening to one thing per week. This is the capacity I currently have. I am committed to sustainable well-being, which means I’m committed to taking this journey in bites I can manage.
This is my step – your step may look different.
Get curious, ask questions, speak up (with a willingness to receive correction), sit with your uncomfortableness, and PLEASE – peel back the layers that reveal your conditioning.
Why is this important?
Taking back the reins of your life, witnessing how your conditioning impacts emotions, beliefs, and choices, and how you “show up” culminates in FREEDOM to build your foundation of JOY (without guilt).
A foundation of joy supports the heavy lifting in life (with less exhaustion and overwhelm), and light-hearted laughter is the balm for your soul.
You need both to uphold inner strength, bolster self-worth and well-being, and engage with what’s uncomfortable (and joyful too) – fostering positive change – working towards eliminating racism, discrimination, and inequalities so ‘People of Global Majority’ can thrive in a just and safe society.
I’ll close with this paragraph written by Adrienne Maree Brown and encourage you to read her “report” in its entirety (click here).
“It is ok to be afraid. It is logical. We were just slaves and slave owners a minute ago. We were just segregated a few seconds ago. Both of those systems morphed without dying; they live on in us, in practice. It is daunting to carry the dream of freedom in an imprisoned body; it is terrifying to truly face the vast scope of heartbreak and othering that permeates our species. It requires looking within as deeply as we look without, and it is scary to see oppression inside ourselves.”
Mantra: We place our collective fears before our individual freedom.
I welcome your thoughtful comments. Please see additional links to further your anti-racism education below.
Thank you for reading!
~Suzy
Why Women’s Empowerment?
Women’s Empowerment is a key aspect of achieving gender equality, including increasing a woman’s sense of self-worth, decision-making power, holding the reins to her own life, ability to affect change, and fostering resiliency of spirit, well-being, and the inner strength to say “YES” to you, and “NO” to how society says you “should be!”
The Empowered Woman HONORS her interests. She knows WHO SHE IS and WHAT SHE WANTS. She UNAPOLOGETICALLY prioritizes SELF and WELL-BEING… RECLAIMING her power previously given away to others, by shifting SOCIAL CONDITIONING to SELF CONDITIONING – becoming congruent with true-self desires, fostering intentional action – CREATING her LIBERATED DESTINY.
EDUCATIONAL LINKS:
Non-Dominant Identity
The Case for capitalizing the ‘B’ in Black.
Affinity Group
People of Global Majority
Desiree Adaway
Rachel Cargle
Octavia Butler
Jefferson County Anti-Racist Fund
