Have you heard of scarcity mindset?
Scarcity mindset is when you believe there is only so much to go around. A person with a scarcity mindset feels ‘lack’ when there is actually enough or thinks that if someone else has a lot (such as money or success), there isn’t any of that pie left for them.
There’s another component as well – those with less (or think they have less) resent those with more.
My friend, and author of Rewire for Wealth (and several other financial/spiritual self-help books), Barbara Huson (formerly Stanny), says this about scarcity mindset, “The way you know you have it is if you hear yourself saying, ‘I wish I had more money, but…'” What’s your ‘wish’ followed by ‘but’…?
Before I discovered how outside influences had conditioned me, someone else’s success left me feeling ‘less than.’ When I felt ‘less than,’ I couldn’t genuinely be happy for their success, I thought those wealthier than me – were arrogant.
I had scarcity mindset – believing that there was a limited amount of wealth and success to go around, and I constantly worried there wasn’t enough. I created a block to the flow of abundance. It was the lens through which I viewed the world or, as I recently heard, “we live a perception of a perception of ourselves.” Oh my!
Let’s take arrogance, for example. Twenty-five years ago, I thought certain people were arrogant (when in truth, they were confident), and even if they were arrogant – why did this behavior trigger me?
Projection!
I was projecting the undesirable behaviors I refused to see in myself onto others. I resisted my own (well hidden) “arrogance” (influenced by my English Mum) by putting a lid on my confidence and exercising caution in not expressing my opinions too strongly or showing up as the “expert” (how arrogant is that?). I dumbed myself down, said “yes” often, and excelled at people-pleasing. After all, people-pleasers are certainly not arrogant.
Several years ago, my husband and I separated for six months. The beginning was understandably rough, but with guidance from experts (thank God for experts), we entered a period of intentional separation.
It was during this time that I met my manipulative co-dependent behavior. I sat with the very behavior I was projecting outwards (I could see it in others). Lurking about in the dark recesses of my unconscious, manipulation was present – it is a part of me. I felt it, lived with it, and most importantly, owned it.
And, of course, it is; a narcissist raised me. You don’t come out of that environment without being “conditioned” with undesirable traits. Argh, f*ck, yuck, muck… ah-ha!
I swam in the mucky mud until I saw “manipulation” no longer as a threat but as a life raft. I grabbed hold and floated to the surface, and after learning the lesson I needed to learn, the life raft was set free. It’s not gone; I see it floating in the distance (whereas before ‘manipulation’ was buried in the mud), bobbing about in the light.
What you see and bring into awareness no longer controls you. This is true freedom! Instead of resisting (you know that saying “what you resist persists”), I integrated this part of me.
Meeting this dark aspect of me (which doesn’t mean I am this way, it’s just a part of me – like my crooked little toe) set me free of all the ways I resisted being a manipulative person. It was a powerful (and freeing) stepping-stone for growing into my authenticity and healing co-dependency.
“What I want for myself, I want for everybody.”
~Wallace D. Wattles, author of The Science of Getting Rich (1910)
Pause for a moment and ask yourself, “what and who do I resent? What behaviors do I avoid?”
What you resent in others or when someone triggers you are clues to emotions and beliefs buried in your subconscious.
I’m sure, like me, you don’t want scarcity mindset for anyone, you don’t want to feel ‘less than’ for anyone, you don’t want guilt for anyone, and you don’t want self-doubt or self-comparison for anyone.
If we don’t want this (fill in the blank) for anyone, why do we behave and think this way?
Social Conditioning!
When you bring awareness to your conditioning and light to what’s hidden in the unconscious, your true self has space for emerging from the hidden influences controlling you, collected from the day you took your first breath.
As for me, I unapologetically desire ‘wealth and abundance (by my definition -what’s yours?) of mind, body, and soul, to be confident with who I am and what I do, and to let my true self and area of expertise shine brightly – so others can too!
Here’s to dancing with your dark side and setting yourself free!
~Suzy
Empowering Women to be Empowered Women
PS The’ dark side’ is not wrong or negative – it’s simply areas of our unconscious where the light is not reaching.
Coming this fall – “LET THE LIGHT SHINE IN!”
An online ‘live’ program for Women.
Release Tension. Release Resistance. Call in Ease.
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