I recently received an email in reply to a blog I had written, that included what it feels like when ‘running hard and fast like a big sweaty racehorse.’ She was sharing how happy she is now to be in “version 2.0” – the version that appears when courageously exiting the hamster wheel and intentionally creating space to heal.
2.0 has served me well. I learned to slow down. I learned the importance of space to hear myself think. I learned why I pushed so hard. I learned that contrary to what women are taught, prioritizing and nurturing yourself is not selfish, it’s a necessity. I learned about boundaries, guilt, communication, relationships, and leading myself from the inside out.
I thought “that was that,” but apparently not.
Enter Version 3.0.
Version 3.0 begins to invite you in, as healing and self-regeneration progress. The transition from 2.0 to 3.0 as I discovered, can be a bit turbulent. I began to feel like something was missing. I began to question my days – why do some days go smoothly, and some don’t? I began to question how I’m showing up, what makes me happy, and I began to evaluate the path ahead – how do I want to feel, what is my purpose?
Upgrading your operating system, as I know from my son who is a technology expert, isn’t always smooth. It requires research, patience, stepping away to get a clearer view, staying focused on what is most important, and in my case, a good friend who’s willing to point out the return of behaviors (that I was blind to), causing self-inflicted turbulence (oops).
Version 3.0 calls in an ever-increasing sense of clarity, a deeper settling into self, opportunities (whether you want them or not) for continued healing, and really owning your sense of, ‘oh yes – this is who I am’ – this is my energetic rhythm, this is my way of ‘being’.
An old friend returns as your upgrade progresses – the friend’s name is ‘Motivation’. Honestly, I thought she was gone forever! I was mostly okay with that – life outside the hamster wheel feels oh-so-good – it’s vibrant, it’s rich with gratitude and it’s a time of extraordinary self-discovery.
But still, at times I missed that rush that came from hanging out with ‘Motivation’, but then quickly remembered how she pushed me into busyness and avoidance of confronting and healing what wasn’t working in my life.
I knew I wasn’t yet ready to partner with my old friend, that is until she showed up with a different kind of energy. My heart danced a little jig and my soul said “nice!” followed by this thought, “how are you going to do your relationship with Motivation differently this time?”
Here’s the ‘different’ – v3.0 motivation is grounded. It is not fed by adrenaline or mind whirling ideas. Version 3.0 motivation flows from your heart and soul, and it’s nourishing, as opposed to a lightning bolt burst of energy, followed by exhaustion. Healthy motivation is grounded with intention, integrity, it’s calm, infused with clarity, and–it will never become an obstacle between you and your well-being.
Years ago, while interviewing over-busy women, I heard over and over “I just want my motivation back!” If you’re feeling this too…grant yourself the gift of patience.
What can you learn from your current situation?
Is there healing that perhaps you’re covering up with busyness?
What are you tolerating, as opposed to using ‘choice’ to change?
No matter what version you’re in (there are more versions ahead for me), remember this, with self-awareness, each version offers a depth of learning that will serve you for years to come.
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