The last few weeks I’ve allowed my mind and emotions to twist and turn through 2019 – truthfully, this year did not go how I expected. I was sidelined in ways I had not anticipated and uplifted in ways I could not have foreseen…which lands me at the end of the year scratching my head a bit, wondering about mountains.
Yup. Mountains (and pearls too).
For Christmas, my husband gave me a card for people born on the 1st of a month (May for me). He was struck by how the card described my characteristics so well. According to the card, those born on the 1st of a month are innovative, self-reliant, yada yada (good stuff) – but, as we tend to live on the edge, we feel different than others and that can create a sense of inadequacy. Sigh…oh-so-accurate.
As 2019 comes to a close my inner dialogue is going something like this: ”well, that worked, that didn’t, I like that, I didn’t like that – that was fun, not doing that again and what needs polishing?”
In 2015 I wrote a manifesto that included, “my intention is to find pearls of wisdom within and polish those pearls and bring them to the world.” The past four years, I’ve polished (at times with the help of a therapist), created, wrote, beta-tested, mentored and now I have this great body of work that helps women get out of their own way (because we are really good at getting in our own way, aren’t we?!)…
But – I’m scratching my head…
What works for others, often doesn’t work for me. This I am so clear on. Promoting, growing and ‘working’ a business the traditional way doesn’t work for me – in fact, doing things how they are supposed to be and “should” be done, both personally or professionally for decades, led to major burnout. Enter the mountain top.
Honest to Goddess, I’m looking for a mountain to sit on (metaphorically speaking – if you’re now scratching your head) and intuitively knowing that my pearl to polish for 2020 is the skill of softening (not being so damn hard on myself) and finding my mountain from which to share my polished pearls from.
Scratching my head. Living in the question. This I know… Don’t fight the “I don’t knows” – fall into them – giving space to what’s unknown, allows clarity to seep in.
Over a decade ago, I went through a similar mental process and then launched the thought “I want to own my own business.” Two years later I did! Which brings me to…
Ask for what you want (it’s okay) – launch that thought.
Toss it out there, email me, tell a friend, write your wants down, put them in a pretty box or let everyone know…
In the spirit of ‘thought launching’, my wants are shared below – plus a few “I’m thinking about’s” (aka, pondering).
A word of caution – thought launching is fun, dream weaving your wants and desires is fun – holding onto a ‘want’ so tight you suffocate the life energy out of it – not so fun (speaking from experience here). My suggestion is to create your list, share your list in whatever way feels right for you, and then shower it with a whole lot of trust, faith and belief that you will be guided to the best situation and outcome for you, in the right time.
Here are questions for you to consider as you muse, ponder, twist, turn and dream weave your year ahead:
- What worked, what didn’t?
- What do you want less of, what do you want more of?
- What’s getting in your way?
- What did you get in 2019, that wasn’t what you wanted, but was exactly what you needed? Good one huh?! 😉
- What pearls are you polishing in 2020?
- What do you want/desire in 2020?
- What are you doing, because everyone else is doing it, that isn’t yours or you?
This concludes my twisty-turny end of the year musing, because ‘reality’ is never straight as an arrow.
From my heart to yours – I’m truly grateful to have ‘you’ to write these pondering’s for. Thank you for reading and receiving the morsels meant for you!
My intention for 2020 is to “soften” and distribute pearls from my mountain (whatever that means is currently my ‘unknown’) – what’s your intention and your ‘unknown’ for 2020?
~To host an enlightening, rejuvenating, re-orientating retreat. Wanna come?
~To lead ‘my flavor of’ corporate leadership training/mentoring (for women of course).
~To mentor more women who are determined to get out of their own way.
~To host gatherings of amazing women from various mountaintops and even a city here and there.
~To teach my course “Calling in Clarity”. [Begins February – Registration is open now]
~To go on adventures – skiing and hiking and anything outdoors…a bit more.
~More ‘dates’ with my husband (he reads this – so now he knows).
~More fun time with friends, a bit more connection with my local community and to play with art more.
~To continue with ‘alone quiet time’ which is where my creativity lives and how I hug my soul (hence the ‘bit mores’ 😉
I’m thinking about writing a book (getting in my own way with this one).
I’m thinking about speaking…in front of people (I may be in my own way here too).
I’m thinking about speaking at spas (double enjoyment).
~I AM ALLOWING space for whatever needs to go, to go and whatever needs to come, to come.
MY WISH FOR YOU: May 2020 be your year for harnessing clarity and the glorious ever-growing confidence and freedom that comes from liberating yourself from the burden of “not enough” and the myth that “busy equals success.” – Suzy