One of my favorite phrases, shared with me by a wise friend is “the teacher, teaches what she needs to learn”. For the past two years, I’ve been on a deep dive exploration, curating content for my newest body of work. You’ve probably heard the analogy of peeling the layers of the onion. I have learned and peeled and will continue until the day I take my last breath. Why? It’s a necessary process because only by peeling the layers, can one reveal what’s true and bring forth clarity.

As the layers fell away, I noticed, even though I’ve come light years with lightening up “my push,” this behavior can slither its way in. Enter EMDR Therapy, (EMDR uses exposure to a traumatic memory or disturbing event paired with “bilateral stimulation” of the brain) to unhook deep seated trauma from my childhood.

The feeling I was exploring was my “nose to the grindstone push,” prompted by my desire to increase my sense of ease and energetic flow.

Are you aware of the feeling, when you are channeling all your energy and focus into completing and accomplishing a project or task?

In my case, my body locks down, my shoulders hunch, my eyes are glued to the computer screen – it’s almost as if I’m in attack mode—ready to pounce. It’s intense. My body hurts – my whole system is thrown off. I ignore it and keep going.

Did you read this and think, I don’t ever feel this way? That would have been my response a short time ago. As I peel and reveal what’s true, my mindful awareness (clarity) of my physical and mental state has risen.

What I learned, is over the decades I had wired my parasympathetic nervous system for reward. The pendulum would swing from stress to my reward (my fix) as that sense of relief washed over me. This sense of “relief” had become an addiction of sorts. Isn’t that wild?

Using EMDR, we then explored completing tasks and projects differently. How would it feel to take breaks often, or to step away completely – or break the project into chunks, or to move myself into a different room (after going for a walk)?

The answer? It feels lighter. More enjoyable – even more fun! Now to practice…

This revelation happened a week ago. Between then and now, I’ve completed something very important…that hit a technical hiccup. My nose did not stick to the grindstone. Instead, I had lunch with a friend, I’ve been on lots of walks. I enjoyed an evening with my six-year old friend, I “worked” differently and completed the task without my old full-body lock down. Did I miss the “reward”. Nope! Feeling lighter – light hearted – that’s the real reward!

“The Push” is sneaky – to reveal what is hidden, pause for a moment and ask:
-Where am I pushing?
-How is my mind and body responding to the push?
-What can you do differently?

With these thoughts in mind, I invite you to explore my newest course:  Calling in Clarity.
Click here to learn more.


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