Today my husband and I celebrate eleven years of marriage. So perfect, so beautiful, so in sync…so not the truth!

The truth is marriage is about commitment but not to the other person, to yourself. If you are committed to your own well-being and to your own happiness then what you bring to the relationship is your whole-self. Take a moment to think about this – if you are bringing your whole-self to the relationship, what does this mean?

For me this has meant the unraveling of beliefs I had set for myself. I took baby steps at first as I began recovering from my co-dependency issues. I had to learn to be quiet in order to “hear” what I was really feeling. I had to learn to lift the “smoke screen” so that my emotions were real and not skewed and then slowly over time, I learned to speak my truth and most important I learned to put my well-being first. This did not happen over night, it happened over years, but as I became stronger in bringing my whole-self to our relationship, I began to notice that my husband was also beginning to put his well-being first and our communication became richer. We were quicker to have discussions and less likely to sweep things under the rug. As we put our individual selves first, our relationship became stronger and stronger.

Selfish you say? No – just the opposite! When you are feeding your soul and living in a manner that is in alignment with what makes you happy, you have so much more love and understanding to bring to your relationship. I had this backwards for so many years.

About two years ago, my husband and I arrived at a cliff. We had a choice. We either fall off that cliff, or we build a bridge to the other side.  I really love this man and I love and respect myself so I mustered up my courage, took a deep breath and I spoke my truth. There was silence, my heart was pounding and then my husband responded with sincerity and he spoke his truth and the first boards of our new bridge were laid down.

Eleven years of learning – learning about ourselves and learning this dance of being in the same space with one person for many years. We’ve tripped, we’ve fallen, we’ve both brought “baggage” with us from our childhoods, past marriages and all the beliefs we thought were true that has impacted this dance we have together.

Today we have our bridge. Eleven years and we now have our dance. Will we trip now and then? Of course. But as long as we remain committed to our individual well-being and our individual happiness, we will each have the energy, desire and love needed to live happily (most of the time) ever after.

I dedicate this post to my husband Tom, who I can honestly say I love more today than I did when we were married eleven years ago!

Happy Anniversary to us!

May all your relationships be as real as you are!

xo ~Suzy

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