Do you ever read something that brings your mind to a halt? That’s what happened when I read this sentence: “People are extremely nice to me now, because I’m no longer a threat.” Polly Kline, 97 (featured in the book ‘Wise Women’ by Joyce Tennison)
I wondered, is this one of the reasons that most people love babies and elderly, because they are not a threat? I had to think hard about this. Do I ever feel threatened by women? If I’m completely truthful, at times, the answer is yes.
But I don’t call it ‘threatened’. I call is self-comparison, or self-doubt. Feelings that are triggered when I perceive I’m not doing enough, or not good enough. So yes, when I meet someone who I deem to be more successful, prettier, smarter, confident – I can feel threatened. Ugh.
Self-care is a word we hear often these days. But it’s mostly associated with what I call outer-world experiences: massages, facials, fitness, soaking– all wonderful and important. Soul-care is how you take care of your inner-world experience: your emotions, how you feel – your heart, your mind, your soul.
Soul-care is not complicated. It can be as simple as a shift in perspective and doesn’t require ‘doing’ anything.
Here’s a great example of both self-care and soul-care: A friend was on vacation with her self-centered boyfriend. She’d had enough! She broke it off with him and was going to fly home. But, she was on a beautiful tropical island and didn’t really want to leave. So instead of wallowing in sadness, she made the choice to treat herself like a queen.
This is what she did…
Do you ever hit a point in your day, where you don’t know what to do next? You know there are steps that need to be taken to accomplish your project, but the ability to take that next step feels insurmountable?
I was talking with a friend of mine about this and she shared with me, what her husband told her to do. He said, “when all else fails, sweep.”
Have you heard of FOMO – the fear of missing out? This is one of the leading causes of overwhelm because FOMO leads to saying ‘yes’ when you really want to say no.
Underneath FOMO lives an unmet need that is driving our choice to show up; say yes, volunteer, join in…when all we really want is time for ourselves or to do something else entirely.
An unmet need is a ‘need’ that you are not fulfilling within yourself and instead are looking outside of yourself, relying on others, to fill the need.
I’ll use myself as an example. One of my unmet needs was to be accepted. An invitation to anything meant that someone ‘accepted’ me and I would jump to have my need fulfilled. I’ve cancelled ‘me time’, juggled schedules, piled my plate too high and pushed myself to exhaustion to fit this ‘invitation’ into my life, because how can I say “no”, they like me – I’m accepted!
The antidote to FOMO is two-fold…
My mind—my frame of mind. That had changed radically.
~I felt tired and sick and tired of the gray rainy weather we’ve been experiencing in the Pacific NW.
~I had chosen to not go the grocery store and decided I was unhealthy because I had not eaten greens for a couple of days.
~My clothes in my closet (which were fine the day before) were now all ugly.
~Nothing fits – yup, I have put on five pounds (the same five that were there the day before, which was a good day).
~I looked in the mirror with disgust (same face as the day before) and my hair – yuck, just yuck.
Does this sound familiar?