Wouldn’t it be amazing to feel confident about everything? To be so confident that you can quickly make decisions, know what the best route is and the best words to use. You don’t question anything, you’ve got this, you’re on top of this. You know who you are, what you are doing and walk out in the world strutting your stuff with head held high.
This is not me. Is it you?
If only I were more self confident? Have you ever said this to yourself? I have, at least a million times! I’ve felt envious of people who appear to make decisions easily. I’ve felt less-than when standing with someone who is assertive, well spoken and highly knowledgeable. Academic types, those with PhD’s and multiple degrees, used to leave me feeling inferior and my head would spin around anyone who can remember details or has a memory that can knock mine out of the park. I’ve even believed I lacked self confidence when years ago, I was shopping with someone who quickly and confidently decided about a home accessory.
It didn’t occur to me that my softness might compliment someone else’s hard-line assuredness. That my sieve of a mind, means I don’t get stuck in my head for too long and that my emotional intelligence can create something wonderful on its own, or when collaborating with someone who has academic intelligence. And, it hadn’t occurred to me that decorating was a talent she practiced, learned and excelled at – that’s her thing. This is mine.
POINT BEING, confidence isn’t about being great at everything, it’s about embracing what’s unique about you. I know. This statement about embracing what’s unique about you is something lots of people are writing about…yet, the struggle lives on. Why? Because who has time to pause, reflect and feel what is unique about them? Which brings me to…
When I began to heal from the dis-ease of busyness. When I slowed down enough to see myself through a different lens, something special began to emerge – me…as I am, who I am and sporting a new set of lenses, I began to see how I had mixed up perfectionism (rigid) with confidence (fluid).
My suggestion – give yourself permission to not be good at everything and sing from the mountain tops, what you are good at. We’ve all got something, whether it’s connecting with people or burning food (I can confidently say, I’m good at both!)
Here are few questions to help open the door to embracing your areas of confidence:
- What are you doing when you feel joy?
- What conversations light you up?
- What do you find challenging?
- What do people ask your help with?
- What do you receive compliments about?
- What do you admire in other people and why? By the way, what you see in others you have in yourself.
- What would you like to be more confident in?
- What will it take to get from here to there?
- What opportunities do you have to light someone else up? Let me explain…
Self confidence re-imagined is about dancing to the beat of your own drum and knowing when to reach out, delegate and ask for help. When you step over the rigidness of perfection and step into the fluidity of re-imagined self confidence, you open the door to allow other people to shine (by honoring what’s unique about them) and beat their own drum louder. And doesn’t that feel good?!
Besides, isn’t it exhausting to feel like you need to be confident all the time (aka, perfect) and oh-so-liberating to say “I just don’t know, do you? Let’s work on this together.”