I remember my Dad once telling me “I had no idea what to do with you from age twelve on”. The truth is, I had no idea what to do with me, from age twelve on.
The process of growing up is confusing. I still find it confusing, because by my definition of growing up (the discovery of who you are – what makes us tick, what makes us tock) I’m not done yet – and never will be. How I showed up in the world in my 20’s, does not work in my 50’s and I’m certain that what works in my 50’s, won’t feel right in my 80’s. Growing up is constant and ongoing and sometimes I forget this. And when I forget, confusion settles in and I drift away from ‘me’.
Figuring out what to do with ‘me’ led to reading copious amounts of self-help books, taking a variety of webinars, tele-seminars, going to retreats, workshops and never stopping long enough to allow the new ideas and habits to settle in. Sure, I gained knowledge and a tool box full of self-help fixes, but I still felt overwhelmed.
I now know I was looking outside of myself for ‘the answer’, ‘the fix’, for something that made me feel that I was enough, that I was safe, that I was liked. I never allowed myself to deeply feel my frustration, my depletion and instead I pushed forward, using all my ‘tools’ to stay positive and keep a smile on my face, while maintaining my busy lifestyle. I pushed to the furthest corners of my psyche, any thought or feeling that was uncomfortable.
I was pondering this whole ‘growing up’ thing and thought, “what if the reason my dad had no idea what to do with me, was because I was beginning to lose my sense of self?” As the years went by I formed beliefs and habits, based on input from the outside world and slid in to my 30’s and 40’s a bit bewildered and a lot overwhelmed and then spent the next decade ‘unpacking’ all the clutter collected that wasn’t me, or mine!
So how do you find your sense of self again? I believe when we begin questioning how our life looks and feels; when there’s an underlying nagging feeling that something isn’t as it should be and we are experiencing a yearning to do life differently, that the awakening process has begun. As Michael Meade says, “On the outside, it is felt as a calling; on the inside, it is felt as an awakening of one’s own way of seeing and being in the world”.
What can be more joyous than discovering one’s own way of seeing and being in the world?
As you unpack what isn’t yours, what isn’t for your highest good; and with support, let go of the beliefs, habits and thought patterns that clutter life, your sense of self returns. You return to your center of ‘being’. Overwhelm dissipates. For me, as my ‘sense of self’ returned, so did my self-respect, and self-love. If my dad was still alive, I would no longer be a mystery to him, because I am no longer a mystery to myself.
Are you ready to ‘unpack’ and do life differently? I would love to talk with you and have opened up more space in my calendar for FREE 20minute Strategy Sessions. Click here to schedule yours.