I grew up to the clicking sound of knitting needles, mesmerized as my mother’s latest creation took form. She knitted blankets. First the color of green, then orange, followed by purple and then something wouldn’t be to her liking and she’d pull on the end and unravel it all. My job was to assist her as she wound this yarn around and around my little arms into a ball to begin an entire new creation.
This childhood memory reminds me much of what is happening in my life now. That woven knitted blanket represents decades of patterns, habits, processes, thoughts, views and feelings and is now unraveling into a new ball of yarn waiting for its next creation.
For me creating is easy. My mind churns out ideas. I love the feeling of accomplishment and moving fast. My modus operandi has always been to push and strive for more. This is familiar, it’s comfortable and it’s culturally accepted. Work hard. Play hard. Raise the bar. Be better. Make money. Grow your business. Do More. Improve your life.
Like a child’s blanket that is so comforting and hard to detach from, this blanket we have all woven for ourselves becomes part of the fabric of who we are. I have made the choice to tug on that little piece of yarn – that end that knots the entire blanket together and unravel all that is familiar to me and step into the unfamiliar for 365 days!
I’ve been in training of sorts, having “not worked” since selling my business the end of 2014. I’ve been busy. It took months to tie up all the loose ends from selling my store and then my mother became ill and passed away in June. Decades of confusion over our relationship (another blanket unraveled) slowly began to work itself out, along with months of closing out my mother’s earth life led to this decision to begin “My 365” on the first day of fall.
I have now pulled on that knotted end of my comfort blanket and begun the unraveling process of what used to drive me. Feelings like, “I don’t belong, I’m not anybody if I’m not creating something” and hearing myself say “another wasted day full of non-accomplishment” are part of my daily thoughts. With time I will settle in, find my rhythm and out of this experience will come beautiful pearls of wisdom to share.
For now, my ball of yarn and knitting needles lay dormant at my side as I begin my journey of being in-between of what was, and what will be. I hope you will knit along with me as I delve deeply into my own three principals of living: Nourishing the body, quieting the mind and feeding the soul!
My 365 MANIFESTO:
To be present, open and clear. To let my intuition guide me and let my emotions lead me. To feel a richness and depth in every moment that has previously been glossed over with the whirl-wind of life. My intention is to find pearls of wisdom within and polish those pearls and bring them to the world. I will create and grow by simply being me – being open, being vulnerable and being willing to feel the parts of me that also need polishing. No judgement, just awareness of what is. My purpose in being is to love myself, respect myself, trust myself, believe in myself – make no excuses, to not shrink from the world, but to step up and embrace every living, breathing, pulsating, juicy ounce of what being human is. I am here to lead, love and inspire. And the best part – this all comes easily and effortlessly because I know where my magic lays – it’s my truth shared. As long as I share my truth and be true to myself, magic happens.
I write, I laugh, I love, I live, I feel, I AM magical, magnificent and a magnet for all that is wondrous and wonderful.
AND…so are you! xo
PS. I do not knit, at least not yet!