To say my thoughts are a little muddled right now is an understatement. I tend to write when I’m feeling good, feeling happy, feeling confident.
Today I am not.
Today I feel emotionally tired, full of self doubt and wondering why I keep plugging forward.
It’s been a tough couple of years. Not all tough, plenty of good in there as well, but today I’m feeling the “toughness”.
What is this?
I really hate feeling low. I do not like to be in a “woe is me” mood. I have so much to be thankful for, so what right do I have to be feeling this way!?
Do you know what I mean?
Moments like this I feel so alone. It’s beautiful outside. The rest of my corner of the world is probably outside feeling happy. No one else is ever full of self doubt. No one else has moments of “woe is me”. No one else ever feels like throwing in the towel and calling it quits.
I know the answer. I know I am not alone. I know these feelings will pass. But there was a time when I did not know this. It’s from this place that I would spiral downwards – reaching for perhaps a drink to numb emotions, a cookie (a jar full) filled with happiness or going non-stop in order to not have time to feel.
So I sit.
I could cheer myself up, but why? I’m rather enjoying my pity party and besides, I’d really like to know “what is this” that I am feeling. How did I end up at this party today?
Depletion. I’ve done it again – oops. If I don’t take care of myself, feed my soul, fill my heart, quiet my mind– this is the party I end up at. The world is not conspiring against me. I’m not losing my mind (perhaps momentarily). I’m perfectly normal, whatever normal is. Relief!
Party over! Off for a walk in the woods to feed my soul.
I’m not alone with any of these feelings am I? 😉